Letting Go

For the last year, I have been preparing for a major athletic event. It has been really hard, but I've been really dedicated to it. I wanted to do it for over two years I'm finally able to do it this year.

Except for the last few weeks. In that time, I have collapsed twice, and haven't trained at all the way I need to.

The actual event is in less than two months, and I finally admitted this weekend that I'm not ready. I could get ready, but that would require energy I honestly don't think I have.

I would so hate Ex if I had to cancel my participation in this event because of what he put me through. But how stupid would I be if I put myself through a really grueling day, ill-prepared, just to spite him?

If I cancelled this year, I could definitely do it next year. And taking this off my plate would remove a source of stress.

On the other hand, how great would I feel if, in spite of all this crap, I did this anyway. That would be so kick ass!

So I have to decide if it's time for me to let go of this.