The Downside of "Handling It Beautifully"

For the record, I am feeling much better since my last post. I worked it out and realized that the reason I was supposedly "okay" the weekend Ex was here was because I disconnected my heart from my mind. My mind knew that it would be easier to get along, but heart is still really hurt. They are coming back together. It sucks, but I'm much better.

Many people have told me I've been "handling the break-up beautifully." I've been going out with friends, focusing on other things, etc. The problem with this is that I've barely heard from many of my friends. To their credit, they are insanely busy with very exciting lives: two Ivy League graduate students, one doctor, a couple of lawyers, a filmmaker, just to name a few. And they all have a lot going on. But I feel unsupported. Friends have cancelled plans; some I haven't heard from in weeks.

So these are the different thoughts that are going through my mind:

1. Do I really need support? I mean, I am handling it beautifully after all. Maybe it's okay people aren't checking in. Obviously this isn't true or I wouldn't be writing this post.
2. Perhaps I haven't communicated my needs to my friends. I can't expect them to read my mind. I've broken up with the man I've lived with for the last few months. Obviously I'm hurting. What more do I need to say?
3. Is this in some way my fault? Have I set up this dynamic where I'm there for them but they don't feel I need them to be there for me? One friend in particular has been so unsupportive that I've stopped talking to her for a while. This is the woman who I talked to everyday while her marriage was slowing falling apart. If that is the case, then I can only blame myself for having unrealistic expectations. I can't make people do things they don't want to do. Perhaps I should redefine the nature of my friendships or learn how to covet different things when cultivating new friends.

I need to practice using me for support anyway. I'll just use this opportunity to observe my relationships and check my own expectations. I am still handling something, even if it is beautifully.